From time to time I find myself wondering how a particular Circle project or event will turn out.  Sure, I know better, but we have such a small staff and there are so many details and logistical considerations involved with each retreat, concert, art show and gathering (to say nothing of the weekly Sunday Morning Circle and Wednesday Meditation Circle).  It’s easy to get caught up in worrying about all the phone calls, budgets, attendance figures and timelines - and forget to look at the Big Picture. At times like that, I often find myself grinning inwardly and remembering the first children’s concert I ever performed… 
 
It was the spring of 1987.  Zet and I had just moved back to San Antonio after five years of living in Berkeley, where I’d made the transition from angry, young folk-punk singer to upbeat, New Age troubadour.  I had a blossoming-but-financially-tenuous career that had been tough enough to sustain while living in Northern California, but I had no idea how to make it pay the bills in South Texas, AKA the “Buckle of the Bible Belt.”  Then one day a friend told me that my new album was her five-year old son’s favorite music, which he insisted on listening to every day on their way to kindergarten.  She urged me to perform a children’s concert at his school, and though I initially declined (due to the fact that I didn’t know any kid’s music…), I needed money, so I decided to try an informal Saturday morning show. 
 
I didn’t expect much, but it turned out to be Big Fun because I’d written some new songs, learned a few magic tricks, the little room was packed with happy children and parents —  and when they passed the hat, it came back with almost $300 inside.  Wow, that was easy!  Thinking we were on to something profitable, Zet and I decided to focus our time and talents on producing a full-scale children’s concert.   We rented the San Pedro Playhouse for another Saturday morning show and mounted a full production.  We hired a percussionist, tech crew and house manager; contracted with a publicist, took out advertisements, bought mailing lists, printed high-quality flyers and mailed them out to anybody and everybody we could think of.  It seemed like I was really “following my Guidance” and everything was going smoothly.  But when the curtain went up, there was an audience of just 25 people in a theater with 350 seats.  Of course, “the show must go on”, so I did what I had to do, while feeling totally devastated and decidedly broke. 
 
But it among the few people present was an administrator at Region 20, the Educational Resource agency for South Texas.  He’d just been assigned the task of finding a children’s entertainer for a series of in-school performances incorporating such themes as “self-esteem” and “making powerful choices” - which is exactly what I’d been singing about during the show.  A week later, I had a contract to perform in 80-100 area schools a year for the next three years, at a very nice daily fee.  Those weekday gigs made it possible for me to continue traveling to various churches, concerts and conferences on weekends, developing the ministry that eventually gave rise to my work with the Celebration Circle.  My whole career had shifted to the next level at one stroke - during what certainly looked like a “failed event” to me!
 
Twenty-two years and hundreds of events later, I’m still doing my best to live out the lesson I learned back then:  Focus on the work, not on the outcome.  Because life is a process, not a series of products.  Of course, sometimes I remember, and sometimes I forget - but mostly I trust that, whatever the appearances, whatever the situation, Spirit isn’t finished working yet…
 
With blessings for your Work, whatever it may be — and hopes of seeing you Around the Circle, 
Rudolf